Hi Guys just a quick life update, nothing really worth reading but if you have 5 minutes and want to pass the time feel free to listen.
I haven’t blogged since forever so I’ll apologise first off. But lots has gone on since my last blog.
Firstly – I’ve returned to work, which was a big step for me since I know just how anxious it could sometimes make me. It still brings anxiety to me but i’ve been handling it really well. Literally I couldn’t even tell you why it makes me anxious, I work with some of the best people in the world who I count as family not work colleagues. The customers are always super nice and friendly. But like some people find big shops or restaurants spots that bring on their anxiety mine used to be work. Probably because of the high speed work pace but since I’ve been back I’ve been really well. Some days I can be a little anxious but I think that’s just the person I am. Since leaving and returning I’ve realised that there’s more to life than to panic about little things. For instance I have a daughter now, I leave her and come home to her and that’s what matters. Her. Don’t get me wrong I feel the mum guilt more than anything even having to leave her but I know a few hours a day with her Nannie won’t be something she’ll hate because she has all the love and attention there to. Which sometimes I forget and then cry about because “I haven’t seen the baby today properly” but she’s just happy she’s had food and watched Baby TV. which is something I need to get my head around and stop feeling guilty for working. Hopefully soon.
Talking about anxiety I’m still panic attack free which is another great thing for me to accomplish. I think I’ve learnt how to handle anxiety as I’ve grown older, and one way is to stop what your doing and go outside. To feel fresh cold air on your face can be the best remedy in the world sometimes. It really works for me and just helps me to breathe when my mind is telling me I can’t.
Another thing I’ve been doing as-well as work is baking, I’ve set up a little Instagram page and it’s been doing really well. At first I wasn’t confident to bake for anyone but I have believed in my family and friends and it’s been one of the best things I’ve done. I’m still no professional cake maker/ baker but I’m learning new things and trying different things all the time so hopefully it will all work out for me. Its something I love doing since my creative streak gets to come out even for an hour or two. I’ve had great feedback and hope to have much more. If you wanted to go follow at Instagram the page is @treacleandrose
Also the last few months I’ve been getting myself upset about friends who aren’t there anymore. Which got me down for a few weeks. It’s never really easy parting with people/things that you want around for a lifetime. But it’s easier to part with them than to hold on to what’s not there anymore. Obviously I’d love to have them around me and Elsie all the time but sadly that hasn’t been the case, which I’ve just gotten over now. They know if they ever wanted to be with us they could but at the moment they are living their own lives. Baby free and all that I can’t blame them. I’m just lucky for the ones I have got and the new ones I have made who are in mine and Elsie’s life. Hopefully we’ll all go out soon and re-connect and find out what’s been going on with everyone but until then I’m happy for them, I support them and I love them.
Last but not least, baby update.
She’s now 10 months old and literally makes me SO proud everyday. Whatever is going on in my own life I know I have her and it makes me so happy. She’s learning new things everyday. Saying No, playing BEEPO, saying Tata, kissing. She just amazes me. She still isn’t crawling or doing much apart from eating. But if she wants to eat 7 packs of Wotsits and watch Peppa Pig all day then who am I to moan?
She’s also come down with another chest/lung infection and has had bronchitis. If you have followed me since the beginning you’ll know that she’s always suffered with her chest/breathing since about 2-3 months old. As well as her silent reflux. She’s been back and for the doctors/hospital pretty much every month. This time around has been harder and probably much worse than any other time. So much so we are looking into going private with her since our GP never really gives us much chance to explain our concern. Which is infuriating. She’s also had tonsilitis so hasn’t been eating or drinking which was a big worry. But FINALLY she’s on the mend. We still think she has an underlying chest/breathing problem which we are monitoring and writing everything down so that when the next time something does crop up and we wish to go private we have a diary written down to show the doctors so we don’t just look like the crazy overly obsessed paranoid family. Which is stupid that GP’s make you feel that way. But like every mother says.
” you know your baby better than anyone”
Which is lucky I feel that way because every doctor we see first says it’s nothing and by the time we see the third then it’s a chest infection or worse. ARRRRGHHHH.
But other than all of that life has been good. She’s growing every day and making me happier than I’ve ever been before.
My life just feels busy constantly with working, trying to make a small business and being a mother at the same time. But hopefully it will all pay off one day and Elsie will look at me and be proud I’m her mother!
Because I am so proud she is my daughter!
I promise I won’t leave posts this long but as you can see so much has changed since my last blog so it’s all been a whirlwind and blogging hasn’t been my first priority.
But I’m back, and will write again.
All my love as always.
-MLS and Me.